A Story of Meditation and Self-Discovery
Meditation has been a transformative journey for me, a path that has opened up new dimensions of awareness. It started for me years ago as a teenager out of a necessity. I decided to do a Vipassana retreat and always kept it as a practice. Meditation was the only tool that truly calmed my nervous system down. As I sit in silence, the simple act of focusing on my breath gradually brings me into a state of heightened awareness. Sometimes, this leads to an unexpected “crying effect.” It’s as if my mind, no longer able to suppress my thoughts and feelings, encounters them with a raw and absolute presence.
This presence can be overwhelming, even challenging to maintain. My mind often seeks distractions, drifting away or following a train of thought. Yet, I find that the willingness to stay with these experiences, to allow whatever needs to surface from my subconscious, can lead to profound realizations. Emotions and memories I had long suppressed come bubbling up, demanding acknowledgment and resolution. It’s like completing an unfinished story from my past, finally letting go of the burdens I had carried.
Life often slips by unnoticed because we lack the clarity to be fully in the moment. So much of our inner world gets pushed aside because it threatens our ego. But awareness works differently. It’s like a plant pushing through the soil, breaking up the dirt that has been stuck there for so long. Our bodies hold onto every experience and emotion, storing them deep within.
“ Awareness works differently. It’s like a plant pushing through the soil, breaking up the dirt that has been stuck there for so long.”
I’ve come to understand that my body has its own intelligence. It always strives for health, constantly working to take care of me. However, when my mind is cluttered with incessant chatter, my body doesn’t get the chance to cleanse itself fully, except perhaps during sleep. Through meditation, especially with focused concentration, I can achieve a deep state of rest while remaining fully present. This practice allows me to consciously process suppressed emotions, often surprising me with what surfaces.
We often don’t realize how much we suppress our emotions. Our minds keep us distracted, but our bodies remember everything — every trauma, every significant moment. Over time, this unacknowledged inner turmoil builds up. Expressing our emotions is crucial, but being present with them in a loving, non-judgmental way is even more vital. Emotions are natural, and their release is part of our healing process. Yet, society often teaches us to hide our vulnerabilities, to be tough, not to cry. When we are told our fears are irrational, we learn to hide these emotions from others and ourselves. We praise our good qualities and reject the bad, often because we’ve been raised with conditional love. This learned behavior starts in childhood and persists into adulthood, where we become our own harshest critics.
“This practice teaches me to be unconditionally present with myself, allowing me to detach from my thoughts.”
Meditation offers a way to sit with myself and simply observe my mind, like a witness who doesn’t react. This practice teaches me to be unconditionally present with myself, allowing me to detach from my thoughts. As this detachment grows, my body gets the chance to release and let go, purifying blockages. All I need to do is remain present and not resist, approaching this inner work with equanimity and diligence.
As I deepen my meditation practice, I notice that my ego loses its grip. The glimpses of pure presence become longer and more frequent. In those moments, the “I” that I usually identify with fades away. I find myself in a place where emotions, thoughts, sensations, desires, and memories no longer hold sway. It’s a space that is open, eternal, still, and beyond description — a profound state of being where the mind’s contents arise and disappear, leaving me in a state of pure, unadulterated presence.
